How to be an Amateur IT Recruiter


I have received more than 350 emails over the past 2 days with job opportunities. While this sounds great (I am in demand?), most simply show the hallmarks of a amateur recruiter.

As a service to those desiring to be amateur recruiters, as opposed to professional recruiters, I offer the following guide to help you in your quest. Please include each of the following in your daily habits.

Email Basics

The first thing you have to master is email basics.

1. Mark Every Job Opportunity Email as Urgent

Contemporary wisdom says people pay attention to urgent emails more than non-urgent ones, so make sure you mark your email as urgent. True, nothing in your email is really urgent to the recipient (me? other IT professionals?), but who cares. This is not about me, it is about you. The only possible kink in this plan is other people might also be marking their job opportunities as urgent. Let’s look at a picture of my inbox job folder:

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Wow, 100% of the job folder is marked Urgent. My suggestion is to unlock the secret “super urgent” button in your mail client and use it so I really know your email is urgent … to you.

You should also bear in mind that adding words like “Immediate need” add more punch.

2. Search By Buzzwords

There is no better way to reach masses of IT professionals and simply scream “I don’t know what the hell I am doing” like firing off job emails based on buzzwords. When I get a $10 an hour support tech email, I am thrilled at the opportunity to increase my stress level at a thankless job that pays a piddly fraction of what I am making now.

And while you are at it do the same blind search on multiple job boards using their massive Spam email generator to generate thousands of emails in a single keystroke. Efficiency at its best.

3. Send Multiple Emails To the Same Person

Nothing wastes more time than making sure you are not sending out multiple responses. Why take more than a few minutes to complete your entire day’s worth of work. Peruse multiple job boards and send out emails using the same buzzword. Sure, about 95% of your list just got multiple emails and knows you are a lazy moron, but perhaps you reach a handful that are only on one board.

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The blessing here is you not only show me you have no attention to detail, but you show me I am just a piece of meat to you, completely invalidating my existence. Yes, I want you to be my recruiter, as I like feeling like I am nothing.

4. Bold and Highlight Lots of Sh*t in the Email

Sometimes when I am reading an email, I miss the important stuff, so make sure you not only bold it, but you highlight it as well. Otherwise, I might send in a resume for this VB6 position that pays nothing, in a state far away from my home. Thank God Abhilasha bolded and highlighted Perforce, or I might have done something dumb like send my resume in for the job. Whew! Dodged that bullet.

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Even better, bold and highlight the entire email.

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Or if you really want to annoy people highlight and use red bolding.

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Bonus points to Calvin since I have never worked on a criminal justice application and that is a required skill.

7. Copy and Paste the Entire Email from the Client or Account Manager

Why take time to edit stuff out of the email before sending it out. That takes time and time is money. Let the candidate see how truly lazy you are by including stuff that makes absolutely no sense to the recipient.

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Yes, that one is at the top of a job email.

8. Send Out Emails to People Who Fail an Absolute MUST qualification

For example, let’s say you have a job for a person that must be local to Florida. Send it out to everyone. There are bound to be a few people that are ACTUALLY FROM FLORIDA (CAPPED in response to the email).

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This particular email really took the cake as it was a complete forward (see #7).

Make The Candidate Do the Work for You

Why actually interview people when you can have them send you all the interview details to

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This is a simpler one. Some have dozens of questions that have to be filled out.

Phone Basics

It is not enough to reach the coveted complete amateur title without having amateur phone skills. Here are a few things that can help you in this regard.

1. Show You are Using a Very Old Resume

I, like many people I know, no longer include a home phone on my resume. In fact, I have not included the home phone for about 6 years. When you call me on my home phone, it pretty much says “I don’t have your latest information” and “you are just a slab of meat to me”.

2. Ignore The Candidate’s Requirements

Your job is to convince the candidate to take the job no matter what. Don’t let things like “I currently make twice the max you are offering for this position” deter you from suggesting how much of a “great place to work” it is. If you can keep the candidate talking, maybe he will work for minimum wage.

It should also be of no importance that the candidate states “I do not want to move to Siberia”. If the position is in Siberia, then your job is to keep hounding them until they decide to take up. As long as they are still listening to you, you have a chance, right?

3. Insult Their Spouse

Since your culture devalues women, there is no reason to be polite to an IT candidates wife.

4. Be Demanding

Just because the candidate stated they are busy is of no consequence. Demand they take your call NOW and treat them like the meat slab they are.

5. Call Numerous Times

This is a two parter. In the first part, hang up and call back when you get their answering machine. Many candidates will screen the call until you irritate the crap out of them. In the second, if a candidate states “send me the job requirement and I will look at it later”, call them back every half hour until they convince you they really aren’t interested. Do this even if you get an email stating they are not interested and repeat #2 above.

6. Illustrate You Have Not Read the Resume

Nothing states you are working towards a complete dufus award than asking me a question about an item that appears prominently on my resume. Bonus points if it is both prominent and sits at the top of my resume.

Summary

While much of this is tongue in cheek it still amazes me how many think recruiting is simply a matter of finding slabs of meat and sending them to a processing plant. Considering recruiting companies, even subcontracting recruiting companies, can make a good amount with candidates, you would think we would have more professionals out there.

The reason there is a problem is very simple. IT, especially on the development side, has been a seller’s market for over 10 years. This has led to the worst developer on the team making more than 90K (or $50+/hour consulting), but it has also made it somewhat profitable to be lazy as hell and do bare minimum when it comes to recruiting.

There are plenty of professionals out there, and I know quite a few locally. But my inbox is routinely filled up with the amateur yo-yos.

In the next few days, I will show you my method of combatting the yo you farm.

Peace and Grace,
Greg

Twitter: @gbworld

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One Response to How to be an Amateur IT Recruiter

  1. Paul says:

    I’m in the midst of a job search right now and I can totally relate to much of this post! My wife, a developer, was initially pretty shaken by #3 under phone basics – “Insult their spouse”! I was on speaker phone in our home office (wife present) and this person was extremely cordial to me. I referred my wife to them via email and she got a call fifteen minutes later on her cell phone. She was speaking with the same guy, only he had a completely different personality and he was very demeaning to her. It was definitely interesting to see the difference first hand and witness how that treatment initially shook her confidence and later just made her mad.

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