Bill Gates sending money for email users

Every once in awhile, a friend forwards me an email about how Bill Gates is giving out money through some email tracking program. Even though has covered this topic rather well, I wanted to take a moment to introduce a simple analysis of the logic of the situation.
First, let’s have fun hacking up the email sent to me:

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an attorney.

Good thing she doesn’t just play one on TV, right? Typical opening for one of these stupid mass emails. Let’s use an appeal to authority (argumentum ad verecundiam, for the learned). I just wonder why we should believe a lawyer is an expert in email methods? I also wonder about a parent who would name their child Pearlass, but that is for another day.

If she says that this will work – It will work. After all, What have you got to lose?

I was thinking "my dignity for passing on this stupid email", but you might have other ideas.
SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I’m an attorney, and I know the law.
I am glad you know the law; if not, you probably would not be a lawyer (I am inclined to believe you are not a lawyer anyway, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are a really stupid lawyer instead of a liar). This is, assuming you (Pealass) actually exist.

Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later.

Do you mean a "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near" kind of repenting or do you really mean "I will kick myself for not believing this far fetched, asinine scheme to make some cash for doing nothing more than annoying all my friends" kind of repenting? I assume the latter.

Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

Now, stop the presses for a second. AOL is owned by Time Warner. This conglomeration also owns a company called NetScape. From a pure logical standpoint, why would A-hole want to make sure Internet Explorer is the number one browser? In addition, what does Internet Explorer have to do with Email tests?
In addition, Pearlass probably forgot a bit of her law background. It seems Microsoft, Bill Gate’s company, got sued a few years ago over binding Internet Explorer to the Windows operating system. In addition, Microsoft paid off Netscape in another suit. Initiating an email scheme to further his monopoly would not be a wise move, so I am now assuming Pearlass Sanborn graduated either last in class or from a mail order law school. One more thing, how much money does Microsoft make if Internet Exploder is the number one browser (this should give you a clue – check the license).

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you  $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you  for your address and then send you a check.

Now, let’s think about this. Let’s say I send it out to only 10 people. Of these, six have a brain and the other four send it on to ten people, and so on. In just two rounds, I should make about $4 million dollars via my two down levels. Woo hoo!!! Let’s say this only gets down ten levels in two weeks (some people have to think about making money for just sending email, so they are not as quick on the ball). Just following this simple plan, we should be able to get out 2.6 quadrillion emails, which is enough to send each person around 436,000 emails (imagine cleaning that email box). Side note: since not everyone has email, many of us will get spammed with double or triple this amount, crashing every single one of our email servers and clients. Mass chaos in the streets.
Bill Gates payout, on the first level alone (assuming this asinine scheme was real, of course) is $642 quadrillion. Considering Microsoft and AOL/Time-Warner combined are not even worth a trillion dollars, this puts both companies out of business.

I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail  and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can affoard this, Bill gates is the man.

I am not sure about you, but using the values $245, $243 and $241, I am having a hard time coming up with this number that this hypothetical person received. I would spend more time on it, as I love to solve problems, but I really do not give a damn about spinning my wheels on this one (other than making fun of the idea in this blog entry, of course).

My brother’s girlfriend got in on this a few  months ago. When i went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She showed me  her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid in full".

And, I am having an even harder time working with integers and coming up with a floating point number. I guess Bill dscounted for her friends that were really, really stupid.
Like i said before, I know the law, and this is for real
Still have not figured out what this has to do with "the law" either, but I am fairly safe in guessing it is not "for real".

2 Responses to Bill Gates sending money for email users

  1. serf says:

    Duh, could you please send me a copy of the beta test email as I could sure use the check from good buddy Billy G. While you’re at it, I need the address of the lawyer you got the original email from. I’ve got this great secret opportunity to shift some funds from a deposed high level government official in the Ivory Coast. Seems he stashed some funds away for just such an occasion (loss of employment insurance). All he needs is to route the funds through a bank account in the USA. Of course 15 percent of the 34 million will be left for services rendered. Tell you what. Since you are going to be so helpful in providing me the requested information, we can use your bank account and I will split with you 50-50. What a deal. Just send me your bank account number along with the other info.‘rett

  2. Marge says:

    Bah humbug! Any fool should know this for what it is. There is a real Santa Claus that comes from the North Pole, too. Believe it!

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